The United Socialist States of Span is a behemoth, genial nation, ruled by M Shobacus Maz with a fair hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, museums and concert halls, and infamous sell-swords. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 51.475 billion Spanners are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The medium-sized, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Maz. The average income tax rate is 97.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Spanner economy, worth an astonishing 15,957 trillion spannies a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 310,000 spannies, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly, elections demand a proportionate response, confessions don't count if suffixed with "izzle", and bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of. Crime is totally unknown. Span's national animal is the donkey, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Span is ranked 333,516^th in the world and 4,842^nd in The North Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -53.35 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.