The Federal Republic of Turnips is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Charles Turnip Townshend with an even hand, and remarkable for its parental licensing program, complete lack of prisons, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate population of 4.057 billion Turnips are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tumshire. The average income tax rate is 83.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Turnipain economy, worth 585 trillion Carrets a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 144,419 Carrets, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Cultural heritage is measured in Scoville Heat Units, finders keepers is the law of the land, Charles Turnip Townshend reduces citizens' commute times by giving away their homes, and petting zoos have loose fingers strewn about. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Turnips's national animal is the Rotabagge, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Turnips is ranked 285,832^nd in the world and 4,177^th in The North Pacific for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring -9.2 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.