The United Provinces of Grainstan is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by Simeon Yoder with an even hand, and remarkable for its parental licensing program, absence of drug laws, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate population of 7.409 billion Grainstanians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Salah. The average income tax rate is 97.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Grainstanian economy, worth a remarkable 1,288 trillion Convertible Mark of One Thousand Mills a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 173,976 Convertible Mark of One Thousand Mills, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The police ransack more houses than criminals do, giggling elementary school newspaper reporters want to know why Simeon Yoder is a silly poophead, scientists pester asteroids with probes until they go away, and any body part that can be cut off a person is no longer considered to be their property. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Grainstan's national animal is the Kakapo, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Grainstan is ranked 330,807^th in the world and 4,264^th in the South Pacific for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring -26.85 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.