The Eminent Bakery of Crumpetopia is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by HC Gabriel Lancaster with an iron fist, and remarkable for its anti-smoking policies, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, cheerful, devout population of 8.606 billion Crumpetopians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New London. The average income tax rate is 99.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Crumpetopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,443 trillion Crumpets a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 400,103 Crumpets, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The government only invests in infrastructure after a natural disaster, artists from across the nation compete to renovate the restrooms of old government buildings, an underground group of geologists hides new discoveries to protect them from being destroyed in the name of safety, and mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Crumpetopia's national animal is the Eternal Anglo, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Church of the Baker.

Crumpetopia is ranked 4,144^th in the world and 9^th in Fifth Empire for Largest Publishing Industry, scoring 19,297.92 on the Bella Potter Productivity e-Index.