The Cosmic Empire of Malotihuacan is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Malotl with an iron fist, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, enslaved workforce, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 13.801 billion Malotecos are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Healthcare, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Malotitlan. The average income tax rate is 83.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Malotec economy, worth a remarkable 1,817 trillion beans a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Basket Weaving. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 131,715 beans, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.3 times as much as the poorest.

The latest Orange tablet's new peeling surface keeps the device always fresh, trolls insist that strings of racial slurs mean "good morning" in obscure languages, 42 is the answer to life the universe and the new bus route into Malotitlan, and it is said that the captain goes down with the ship but ecological protection goes up. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Malotihuacan's national animal is the Maloitzcuintle, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is the Cult of Malotec.

Malotihuacan is ranked 222,481^st in the world and 147^th in Fifth Empire for Fattest Citizens, with 8.68 Obesity Rate.