The Matriarchy of Velvenia is a colossal, genial nation, ruled by Alice Kildenburg with an even hand, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, flagrant waste-dumping, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate population of 4.783 billion Velvenians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized government is primarily concerned with Administration, with Defense, Healthcare, and International Aid also on the agenda, while Welfare receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kosmitya. The average income tax rate is 21.9%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Velvenian economy, worth 165 trillion Lances a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, quite specialized black market in Woodchip Exports, Uranium Mining, Arms Manufacturing, and Furniture Restoration. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 34,613 Lances, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Skateparks can be found in every city, the latest government policy passed by a close shave, trespassers often find themselves impaled by crossbow bolts, and back-alley circumcision clinics are popping up all over the nation. Crime is moderate, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Velvenia's national animal is the Owl, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Velvenia is ranked 199,132^nd in the world and 379^th in Starlight for Fattest Citizens, with 9.35 Obesity Rate.