The Empire of Crawlisle is a mammoth, efficient nation, ruled by His Omniscient Excellence with an iron fist, and renowned for its prohibition of alcohol, avowedly heterosexual populace, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 9.266 billion Crawleans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kosisyta. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 12.1%.

The all-consuming Crawlislean economy, worth a remarkable 1,361 trillion gelds a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 146,901 gelds, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 640,938 per year while the poor average 21,275, a ratio of 30.1 to 1.

Crawlislean faces have never been brighter, SOS from foreign ships mean "shoot on sight", red text rains down on the head of anyone who dares to step out of line (Crawlisle has found 2 easter eggs), and city mayors have to get permission from parliament to take a vacation day. Crime is a problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Crawlisle's national animal is the panther, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Crawlisle is ranked 324,462^nd in the world and 4,132^nd in The East Pacific for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring -9.3 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.