The Holy Guarded Catholic Empire of Alphanix is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Nix The Fourth of Alphanix with an iron fist, and remarkable for its parental licensing program, compulsory military service, and pith helmet sales. The compassionate, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 3.397 billion Nixians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sanctus α Alpha. The average income tax rate is 66.2%.

The all-consuming Alphanixian economy, worth 311 trillion Sancti Dinariis a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Cheese Exports, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 91,607 Sancti Dinariis, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

The government is spending billions of Sancti Dinariis on a fancy space probe to find a planet that may not even exist, citizens can only enjoy the splendor of the natural world in designated 'Majesty Appreciation' zones, underground copulation clubs have sprung up in major cities, and the military is plagued with unethical researchers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Alphanix's national animal is the Falco subniger, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

Alphanix is ranked 152,854^th in the world and 335^th in The League for Safest, scoring 58.54 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.