The Commonwealth of Patates is a titanic, safe nation, ruled by Hami Patatesoglu with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, free-roaming dinosaurs, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, devout population of 14.287 billion Patatesians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Potates. The average income tax rate is 80.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Patatesian economy, worth a remarkable 2,076 trillion Pats a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 145,350 Pats, with the richest citizens earning 5.0 times as much as the poorest.

A positive GPA is all it takes to get an elite education, organ donation rates have hit a new low, the "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The Potates Times is sold out, and security reviews double as corporate marketing. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Patates's national animal is the Sheep, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Islam.

Patates is ranked 3,427^th in the world and 104^th in The East Pacific for Safest, scoring 134.5 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.