The Glorious Empire of Zaelith is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Lexi Zaelin with an iron fist, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, ubiquitous missile silos, and vat-grown people. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 10.748 billion Zaelithians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The tiny, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Zael. The average income tax rate is 3.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Zaelithian economy, worth a remarkable 3,111 trillion Zils a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Information Technology, and Gambling. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 289,518 Zils, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.9 times as much as the poorest.

Soldiers on first dates introduce themselves only by their ranks and serial numbers, the national colors help to make everyone look slimmer, no animal is considered endangered if there's another that looks kind of like it, and a politician who is photographed pulling a funny face while eating can say goodbye to their credibility. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Zaelith's national animal is the Roadkill, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Zaelinthia.

Zaelith is ranked 290,140^th in the world and 5,447^th in the South Pacific for Highest Food Quality, scoring 3.02 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.