The Grand Republic of Havenwelle is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Kevin Burke with an iron fist, and renowned for its infamous sell-swords, ubiquitous missile silos, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 19.218 billion Havenwelleans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grand Haven. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 65.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Havenwellean economy, worth a remarkable 4,276 trillion Havs a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 222,513 Havs, with the richest citizens earning 6.2 times as much as the poorest.

Viewers get headaches from trying to read the screen full of small print warnings that precede most TV shows, possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence, religious households enthusiastically use whips in private, and anyone with a tin cup can stop by the welfare office to have it filled with coins. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Havenwelle's national animal is the Brittany Spaniel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Church of Havenwelle.

Havenwelle is ranked 13,021^st in the world and 372^nd in the South Pacific for Highest Food Quality, scoring 143.75 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.