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Today's World Census Report
The Nudest in Elparia
After exhaustive surveys, the World Census calculated which nations have the greatest acreages of flesh on public display.
As a region, Elparia is ranked 5,682nd in the world for Nudest.
|1.||The The of of Derptingtonn||Iron Fist Consumerists Champions of Commerce||“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”|
|2.||The Guinea Pig Paradise of The Cavian State||Civil Rights Lovefest Nation-Hating Hippies||“Remember, there will one day be peace...”|
|3.||The Unitary States of Chuukango||Scandinavian Liberal Paradise Gay Marriage State||“Dirigo”|
|4.||The Commune of UnionalRussia||Left-wing Utopia Drugged-Out Hippies||“March march you toilers and Russia shall be free”|
|5.||The Kingdom of Arells||New York Times Democracy New York Crimes So-Called Democracy||“We were, we are, we will be.”|
|6.||The United Socialist States of Konzask||New York Times Democracy New York Crimes So-Called Democracy||“Proletarians of the world, unite!”|
|7.||The Gao Dynasty of Bod-chen-po||Anarchy Lawless Wasteland||“大高帝国”|
|8.||The Republic of Outer Khe Thre||Inoffensive Centrist Democracy Communists||“By The People For The People”|
|9.||The Roman Empire of Minachia||New York Times Democracy New York Crimes So-Called Democracy||“insert less cliche motto here”|
|10.||The Confederacy of Aquias||Civil Rights Lovefest Nation-Hating Hippies||“Weave Trust with Trust”|
- : The olmusian empire ceased to exist.
- : Sonyong ceased to exist.
- : The The of of Derptingtonn arrived from Balder.
- : The Republic of Shqidonia arrived from The Democratic Commonwealth.
- : The Republic of Shqidonia departed this region for The Democratic Commonwealth.
- : Holocron of revan ceased to exist.
- : Ylevamaa ceased to exist.
- : Greater vanya ceased to exist.
- : New ireland the 5th ceased to exist.
- : The Guinea Pig Paradise of The Cavian State arrived from Osiris.
Elparia Regional Message Board
Brother Hao goes on tour
Comrade Brother Hao has agreed the Minachian invitation to personally sign the Treaty between PRQS and the Empire. However before this he will be touring Elparia on his way to Minachia, stopping off first in Aesidia then to the continent of Calderia, where Hao will visit Corusconia and Treka before moving on to Zion and possibly the Gao Empire on the way home. Hao will travel on the state private airbus A380, escorted by 10 SU-57 fighter jets and an air refueler.
After months of planning this trip Hao has finally left Quangsuh, accompanied by his fighter escort and is on his way to the nation of Aesidia.
Reappearance of the Cult
Recently, in the early morning hours within the Maginot Mountains, many locals have been vanishing with a Crimson symbol taking their place. Upon the first few instances of this, Trimainia quickly mobilized more reserves to reinforce soldiers in the area. In a press conference, the Royal Press Representative gave no comment to what is happening in the mountain range, but many historians have pointed to the Red Mountain Cult, who was supposed to've been destroyed five years ago with a raid on their cult headquarters in the Maginot Mountains. Out of fear, the Maginot Mounatins see a rise in weapon purchases or migrations from the mountains and nearby areas to safer regions.
"The Crown is not ready to confirm nor deny anything. We do not endorse any who claims to have information on the situation, and anyone who plans to leak or produce information will be swiftly silenced for the safety of the nation. I urge the people of Trimainia to remain calm, and go about their lives as per normal with extra percaussions for their own safety."
"More envoys sent out"Response
Four days after several envoys left the Empire in a massive effort to reach out and establish diplomatic and economic ties across the world, the Emperor orders a second wave of diplomats to different destinations as the first ones, but with the same offers of establishing embassies and opening trade relations, as well as extending the invitation to join the celebrations related to the 100th Anniversary of the People's Party of Gao on 12 September 2020.
November 17, 2020
I am greatly pleased to inform you that I have reviewed and approved your embassy application this morning. I have issued orders to allot the property at 109 Corsica Avenue to your government and hope that your diplomats will find it to their satisfaction upon arriving there. Should you feel any need to make inquiries regarding these arrangements, my own office will be disposed to entertain any messages you see fit to communicate. In the meantime, I wish to extend your delegation and the government commissioning it my government’s wishes for your continued prosperity and peaceful existence.
Simon Goldman, MBA, LLB
Director, Foreign Ministry of the Kingdom of Arells
Family of a Quangsui Consulate Thrown Out Of Hotel
The family of a Quangsui consulate arrived at Obsiditite Hotel some time before midnight, despite only having a booking starting from the following day of September 10. Upon arrival, the family demanded to spend the night in the lobby, a request that was against hotel policy, and the staff did not want to accommodate them. Despite being told to leave numerous times, the family refused to leave the lobby and installed themselves on the sofas. After a couple of hours the situation became “threatening” according to the staff, who decided to call on Atford police to remove the family from the lobby. The drama increased further with the arrival of the police, who the son accused of using excessive violence against his parents. According to the son, whose account was published by nationalist tabloid Apex Press, several more armed police then arrived at the scene, and proceeded to force his family into a police car. Inside the car, he claimed his parents were beaten up by the police while they were driven to a desolate graveyard and thrown out of the car in the cold, forest like environment with animals howling all around them. Police records show that they were indeed dropped off near a graveyard that was beside a major subway station.
Nevertheless, Quangsuh authorities were quick with demanding a public apology, as well as a punishment for the police officers and monetary compensation for the family. The demands were issued on the website of the Quangsui embassy in Atford last weekend. Top prosecutor Francis Sales today told The Depths that the investigation towards the involved police patrol was cancelled already on September 13, since there was no indication that the police had been acting wrongfully.
“This is normal procedure when people are disturbing the social order”, Sales says, adding that the family had no right to be at the hotel and that the police were acting according to Arellian law.
Futhermore, most likely no apology will be issued, despite the fact that the Quangsui ambassador multiple times has accused the police for breaking the law, and demanding that the Arellian authorities should handle the case “in accordance with the law”.
At any rate, the family left Arells already the following morning, but they seem to be neither in bad condition nor in bad spirits. On Quangsui social media, photos have been circulating of the family continuing their Calderian trip.
In response to Arells
Upon hearing of the news in Arells, Comrade Brother Hao was reported to be 'unusually quiet', where many of his advisors fled the room upon delivering the news in fear of an enraged outburst by Hao, it was reported that he simply made a phone call and continued on with his day. Quangsui media however were not as forgiving, condemning the Arellian government.
Family of a Quangsui Consulate Thrown Out Of Hotel cont.
Doctor Awful, a satirical television show hosted by Benjamin (Benji) Sharp and aired on national Arellian broadcaster ATN, took a stab at Quangsui people in relation to the recent incident in Atford.
The show aired the video footage of the tourists being carried out of the hotel - and also included a sketch, which was dubbed over in Quangsui - about do's and don'ts for Quangsui tourists.
In the sketch the host warns tourists not to defecate "outside historical heritage sites" and while eating.
"If you see a person walking their dog on the street, this does not mean they have just brought their lunch," he goes on to say.
The video says Quangsui people are racist, but Arells welcomes Trekans, black people, Jews and "even homosexuals".
"Because in Arells, we believe in the principles of universal human worth. Although this principle does not apply to the Quangsui," the narrator says, "or Essotori".
"Who would've thought that a country with an insane leader that believes he is a god, would produce insane people?" The video also dedicates a solid 3 minutes to attacking Brother Hao and his "double-chin" and other aspects of his appearance.
The video ends with the host saying that Arells welcomes Quangsui tourists, but they would be beaten and dropped off at a graveyard if they misbehaved.
吹日 - יום תרועה
The first one of the Days of Awe (戁日 - ימים נוראים) is marked by community and individual prayer, as well as by shofar blowing across the empire. The Emperor and members of the Imperial Family shall be participating in the services that will take place at the Imperial Synagogue of the Patriarchs in Kaifeng, and it has been announced that, as usual, none of them shall perform state duties until Yom Kippur is over, ten days after Yom Teruah.
Brother Hao loses his sh*t
Upon hearing of the utter disrespect towards him endorsed by Arellian media Hao flew into a rage, landing his fist so hard on his desk he broke the three-inch-think tabletop in half. It was reported that Hao even somehow managed to launch his desk chair through the bulletproof floor to ceiling window of his resort and crush a car that was driving below. It is not known how long Hao raged for but in the aftermath some 16 resort workers and 4 of his personal security were hospitalized.
Reports are now surfacing of a cargo ship carrying manure off the coast of Arells has capsized. Sometime around midnight a distress signal was sent to the Arellian coastguard from the Quangsui ship as it had developed an unspecified complication. The crew managed to abandon ship safely, however the manure ship struck ground spilling its cargo. Quangsuh has offered to send a transport vessel to remove the crew, however not the ship from Arells.
1: Entaria will relinquish administration of Neria to Kemet
2: Entaria is barred from deploying soldiers on Selaria, excluding islands
3: Entaria will construct infrastructure in Obungunda (Paid to the newly formed Obungundan National Government and only used for infrastructure)
4: Kemet will allow for free immigration to Entaria for Nerian citizens
5: Kemet will free all Entarian and Nerian POWs
Peace has been declared! With the end of the Selarian war, a new light shines over Selarian politics. The collapse of the Nerian government, and their Entarian backers expelled, the dark continent has experienced a lapse of foreign domination. Through the streets of Memphis, parties have been recorded, mass prayer to the Kemetian Gods, and the illustrious Pharaoh. On a darker side, reports of attacks on foreigners in Kemet and Neria have spiked, most likely due to xenophobia. The international community does not know how nations like Corusconia and Entaria will react to Kemetian rule, but more pro peace factions breath a sigh of relief. The Kemetian government's economic plans generally exclude foreign investment, which may impede foreign trade. Obungunda has been granted the gift of united rule for the first time in decades, under Obungundan National Government, plans have been crafted to promote economic self sufficiency.
Elparian International Hockey League
Round 1 has finally ended after 2 weeks of playing, resulting in the elimination of 8 of the 16 teams. A surprising win by the Velitrae Legionnaires saw the team from Minachia dominate the Derptingtonian team, Tribesville Pirates, a much better rated team. The two highest rated teams, Treka’s Hampshire Lobstermen and Chuukango’s Hartford Eagles both moved onto the next round but not without issues, Chuukango lost 2 Games to the Safingrad Cyclones (Konzask) and the Hampshire Lobstermen (Treka) lost 1 game to the Mitteburg Wolves (Höllefjord). Other teams played great, the Rosenheim Seeadlers (Corusconia) eliminated the Radonstinatle Royals (Essotori) who were predicted to win despite their lower overall rating. The Bitra Bears (Aesidia) and Rederith Elk (Entaria) both had the best games, dominating the Atford Sailors (Arells) and Yoshima Robins (Sonyong) respectively. Other teams that performed well were Darkwell Force (Olympia) besting the Desoma Tropicals (Crotin) and HK Vedemi Berezhanka (Ylevemaa) taking no time to eliminate the Pari Red Hawks (Trimainia). The new schedule is based off of the team’s records and the games look tough.
Game 1 Round 2 will feature:
Rederith Elk @ Bitra Bears
Darkwell Force @Hartford Eagles
HK Vedemi Berezhanka @ Hampshire Lobstermen
Velitrae Legionnaires @ Rosenheim Seeadlers