The Commie Republic of The Free City of Nelson is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Eduardo Delgado with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, otherworldly petting zoo, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 4.103 billion Nelsonians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Healthcare, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Nelson City. The average income tax rate is 83.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Nelsonian economy, worth 403 trillion Escudoes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Tourism, Information Technology, Pizza Delivery, and Basket Weaving. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 98,246 Escudoes, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Earthquake sirens are a leading cause of hearing loss, there are six more weeks of winter if a northerner sees her shadow, every citizen sounds like a television news anchor, and juvenile delinquents are fitter than ever. Crime is totally unknown. The Free City of Nelson's national animal is the Nelsonian Ram, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

The Free City of Nelson is ranked 230,532^nd in the world and 170^th in Conch Kingdom for Most Primitive, scoring -109.05 on the Scary Big Number Scale.