The United Nations of Kalmach is a mammoth, safe nation, ruled by Willsen Hessen with an even hand, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, flagrant waste-dumping, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 9.965 billion Kalmachians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Easthaven. The average income tax rate is 27.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Kalmach economy, worth a remarkable 1,188 trillion Kalmach Kroners a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Furniture Restoration, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 119,296 Kalmach Kroners, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Parking's carefree without parking car fees, the government thinks Kalmachians can achieve social cohesion by drinking soda together, daisy chain gangs plant flowers and pick up litter, and discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is illegal. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Kalmach's national animal is the Yellow-tailed Finch, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Yellowism.

Kalmach is ranked 65,809^th in the world and 292^nd in the West Pacific for Largest Populations, with 9.96 billion capita.