The Colony of United Schools is a huge, safe nation, notable for its state-planned economy, suspicion of poets, and stringent health and safety legislation. The democratic, devout population of 290 million Vicenters are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The large, moralistic, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Spirituality, Law & Order, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sunshine City. The average income tax rate is 61.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but underdeveloped United Schoolsian economy, worth 10.8 trillion Pigeon Feathers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Furniture Restoration, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is 37,141 Pigeon Feathers, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

United Schools has designated Sunshine City as its capital city, billions of Pigeon Feathers are being poured into a space program, Leader's relatives have been married into the royal families of foreign nations against their will, and X-Files ratings have hit an all-time low. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. United Schools's national animal is the Julilus Angry Bird, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

United Schools is ranked 235,260^th in the world and 3,184^th in the West Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -116.02 on the Scary Big Number Scale.