The Holy Imperium of Guteinitast is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by Empress Eras Umbaros of Umbara with an iron fist, and remarkable for its digital currency, prohibition of alcohol, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.484 billion Guteinitastians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order and Administration are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Celestial Seat. The average income tax rate is 51.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Guteinitastian economy, worth 672 trillion Opals a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, Tourism, and Information Technology. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 103,768 Opals, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation's navy has been named the scourge of the seven thousand seas, half of Guteinitastian history is deemed too unpatriotic to be mentioned in textbooks, citizens no longer take selfies with their dead relatives at funerals, and schoolboys who turn to watch pretty girls go by are given detention. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Guteinitast's national animal is the Dragon, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Umaratism.

Guteinitast is ranked 317,701^st in the world and 17,316^th in Osiris for Highest Drug Use, scoring 8.84 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.