The People's Socialist Union of New Xartoia is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Ekana Kapa Spayo with an iron fist, and remarkable for its infamous sell-swords, suspicion of poets, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 4.102 billion Xartoians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Education, and Industry are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tianmen. The average income tax rate is 60.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient New Xartoian economy, worth 530 trillion Monis a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 129,334 Monis, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

Soldiers are issued comics about superheroes punching unflattering caricatures of their enemies, international trade can be a pain to deal with, Scoutmasters debate whether luxury log cabins defeat the purpose of camping, and the nation's diplomats shake hands with those whose hands are drenched in the blood of innocents. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. New Xartoia's national animal is the Xarto Eagle, which can occasionally be seen dodging aircraft in the nation's cities, and its national religion is Yelçaism.

New Xartoia is ranked 22,149^th in the world and 486^th in the South Pacific for Lowest Crime Rates, with 88.01 law-abiding acts per hour.