The Grand Duchy of The Seven Provinces is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Spurdo Spärde with a fair hand, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, keen interest in outer space, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 26.993 billion Seven Provincians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Industry, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Spirituality and Law & Order aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Benishof. The average income tax rate is 66.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Seven Provincian economy, worth a remarkable 6,233 trillion colombian flakes a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 230,917 colombian flakes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

In coastal waters there are fifteen salvage divers per dead man's chest (yo ho ho), an online tea-bagging epidemic is getting worse and (meta)worse, primetime re-runs of The Black and White Minstrel Show are a critical hit, and political spontaneity takes a lot of planning. Crime, especially youth-related, is a major problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. The Seven Provinces's national animal is the pædobär, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Benism.

The Seven Provinces is ranked 282,341^st in the world and 1,437^th in Europe for Nicest Citizens, with 0.33 average smiles per day.