The Republic of Swiftnian is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by President Nian with an even hand, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, prohibition of alcohol, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate population of 5.258 billion swiftnians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Yorkshire of Swiftnian. The average income tax rate is 95.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Swiftnianian economy, worth 676 trillion Pounds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Book Publishing, and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 128,704 Pounds, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Saying 'Hi Guys' to a mixed gender group of people at work is a fireable offense, children's TV shows are having a gay old time, Bigtopian interference in domestic elections is always democratically sanctioned, and bike rage is all the rage. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Swiftnian's national animal is the Racoon, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Tomita.

Swiftnian is ranked 283,894^th in the world and 10,907^th in Lazarus for Most Primitive, scoring -410.65 on the Scary Big Number Scale.