The United Fascist States of OldAmerica is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by His Imperious Condescension with an even hand, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, free-roaming dinosaurs, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 28.215 billion OldAmericans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cathair Na Am. The average income tax rate is 86.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient OldAmerican economy, worth an astonishing 11,839 trillion Blacknotes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Gambling. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 419,621 Blacknotes, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Five-year-olds who refuse to line up on command get gold stars, government programs are less "written" and more "plagiarised", nations that kill an OldAmerican can expect a strongly worded letter, and kindergartners love the free balloons that their schools give them. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. OldAmerica's national animal is the Cat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Catholicism.

OldAmerica is ranked 15,347^th in the world and 349^th in the Rejected Realms for Highest Food Quality, scoring 133.53 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.