The Bundesrepublik of Essenkampf is a mammoth, safe nation, remarkable for its soft-spoken computers, irreverence towards religion, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate population of 9.991 billion Essenz have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and look forward to their next free and open election, to be held on an as-yet unannounced date.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hiddenburg. The average income tax rate is 47.9%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Essenkampfer economy, worth 950 trillion kosons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Tourism, and Basket Weaving. Average income is 95,108 kosons, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.2 times as much as the poorest.

People seem disproportionately distraught when told a museum has a phones-off policy, the nation turns a blind eye to human rights abuses in its quest for athletic supremacy, high school bands practice by moonlight, and flight attendants rip down curtains with revolutionary fervor. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Essenkampf's national animal is the Ox, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Essenkampf is ranked 37,052^nd in the world and 3^rd in Kogaion for Smartest Citizens, with 50.82 quips per hour.