The Artoonian Empire of Artoonia is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Empress Sofia with a fair hand, and renowned for its sprawling nuclear power plants, ubiquitous missile silos, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 43.709 billion Artoonians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The minute, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Education, although Industry is also considered important, while Environment and Law & Order are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lumo. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Artoonian economy, worth an astonishing 19,432 trillion spesmiloj a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Soda Sales, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 444,590 spesmiloj, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.3 times as much as the poorest.

Official government guidance encourages binge behaviors, the government loves seeing the little people fight, superfoods are often seen as supervillains, and vital intelligence-gathering activities are often put on hold for Call of Honor tournaments. Crime, especially youth-related, is so common that it is unusual to encounter someone following the law, probably because of the absence of a police force. Artoonia's national animal is the penguin, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is L'Eklezio Artunia.

Artoonia is ranked 292,378^th in the world and 3^rd in The Satellite of Love for Most Primitive, scoring -1036.42 on the Scary Big Number Scale.