The Virtuous Republic of Orson Welles is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Augustus Caesar with an even hand, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, unlimited-speed roads, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 8.7 billion Germans are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Brandenburg. The average income tax rate is 4.7%.

The frighteningly efficient German economy, worth a remarkable 3,394 trillion Deutsche Marks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 390,122 Deutsche Marks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.2 times as much as the poorest.

Orange is the new black for judicial robes, no animal is considered endangered if there's another that looks kind of like it, kilts and cassocks are viewed with suspicion, and no personal detail is too tiny for the suede-denim census police. Crime is totally unknown. Orson Welles's national animal is the Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Cult of Reason.

Orson Welles is ranked 290,627^th in the world and 3,716^th in the West Pacific for Most Beautiful Environments, with 1.26 pounds of wildlife per square mile.