The United States of Mitzerland is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Zaxxczy with an iron fist, and notable for its unlimited-speed roads, sprawling nuclear power plants, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.706 billion Mitzerlandians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Administration, Industry, and Law & Order are also considered important, while International Aid isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Atlanta. The average income tax rate is 79.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Mitzerlandian economy, worth 806 trillion Aurumexes a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Retail. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 217,625 Aurumexes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.7 times as much as the poorest.

People often get liposuction to reduce their air fares, Maths Professor Barbie is the most popular toy for boys and girls alike, one tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber, and exorbitant spending on icebreakers breaks the ice at every budget meeting. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Mitzerland's national animal is the crow, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is WARISM.

Mitzerland is ranked 283,838^th in the world and 1,398^th in Europe for Highest Food Quality, scoring 5.09 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.