The Advocate of the Bagel of The Age of Utopia is a titanic, orderly nation, notable for its state-planned economy, compulsory military service, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 15.339 billion Utopians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Akropali. The average income tax rate is 98.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Utopian economy, worth a remarkable 3,073 trillion Utopian Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, quite specialized black market in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 200,369 Utopian Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The naughty list has been replaced with the in need of re-education list, fire stations and hospitals can't deploy emergency vehicles because badly parked cars block them in, a town hall is called each time a kid asks how far away the sun is, and The Age of Utopia is sometimes referred to as the global janitor. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Age of Utopia's national animal is the Northern Utopian Penguin, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Cakeitalism.

The Age of Utopia is ranked 13,757^th in the world and 363^rd in the South Pacific for Most Cultured, scoring 100 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.