The Jingoistic States of Texian Ranch 03 is a gargantuan, safe nation, notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, aversion to nipples, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 10.25 billion Texian Ranchers are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 33.0%.

The powerhouse Texian economy, worth 895 trillion guilders a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Pizza Delivery, and Basket Weaving. Average income is 87,333 guilders, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 251,837 per year while the poor average 24,042, a ratio of 10.5 to 1.

School uniforms are compulsory, there's more vermin than ever on the metro, shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals, and Rupert Bear is considered to be the most risqué TV programme in Texian Ranch 03. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Texian Ranch 03's national animal is the giraffe, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Texian Ranch 03 is ranked 84,880^th in the world and 7,495^th in Chicken overlords for Most Primitive, scoring 22.96 on the Scary Big Number Scale.