The Dictatorship of South Pacific Card Farmer is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Leader Farmer with an iron fist, and remarkable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, anti-smoking policies, and feral children. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 7.821 billion South Pacific Card Farmerians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Welfare, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Card Farmer. The average income tax rate is 61.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient South Pacific Card Farmerian economy, worth 260 trillion Cards a year, is quite specialized and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Automobile Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 33,328 Cards, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Euthanasia is illegal, the "temporary replacement bus service" is now a permanent fixture, tie-dye has been outlawed for being 'too occult', and giggling teens are asked to put their mouths on rubber dolls. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. South Pacific Card Farmer's national animal is the Card, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Leader Love.

South Pacific Card Farmer is ranked 109,489^th in the world and 2,528^th in the South Pacific for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 178.14 on the Clooney Contribution Index.