The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 137 is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Noah with an even hand, and renowned for its closed borders, rum-swilling pirates, and museums and concert halls. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless, devout population of 6.628 billion Second Best Puppet 137ians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Industry, and Law & Order. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 93.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 137ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,170 trillion cards a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Beef-Based Agriculture, Retail, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 176,594 cards, with the richest citizens earning 7.7 times as much as the poorest.

Replacement organs are grown in vats, the carcasses of double-deckers can be found littering high streets all around the country, the nation's teens are known for their habit of kissing through plastic wrap, and royalist is the most offensive slur in the Second Best Puppet 137ian language. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 137's national animal is the legendary, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Second Best Puppet 137 is ranked 188,680^th in the world and 491^st in Two for Most Primitive, scoring -75.35 on the Scary Big Number Scale.