The Republic of Neanderthaland is a gargantuan, cultured nation, renowned for its keen interest in outer space, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and smutty television. The compassionate, democratic population of 13.318 billion Neanderthals are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, socially-minded, outspoken government prioritizes Education, although Welfare, Healthcare, and Industry are also considered important, while Spirituality is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Caveopolis. The average income tax rate is 79.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Neanderthalandian economy, worth a remarkable 1,495 trillion Seashells a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Trout Farming, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 112,326 Seashells, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The derisively named "Morlocks of Moria" futilely demand time in the sun, hidden bedroom-cams are installed to catch mothers doing their kids' homework, lip-readers are often left perplexed by political rallies, and foreign students are expected to have a Kegmeister Grade Average of 36-24-36 to qualify for university. Crime is totally unknown. Neanderthaland's national animal is the Mammoth, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Neanderthaland is ranked 36,066^th in the world and 2,417^th in Lazarus for Lowest Crime Rates, with 79.45 law-abiding acts per hour.