The Holy Empire of Guacamala is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Eris with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, aversion to nipples, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.133 billion Guacamalans are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, pro-business, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Spirituality, Law & Order, and Industry are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Womanbad. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 20.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Guacamalan economy, worth 608 trillion Guacamala Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an impressive 147,165 Guacamala Dollars, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,065,517 per year while the poor average 6,443, a ratio of 165 to 1.

Science labs across the country languish in cobwebs as the government turns its attentions to spiritual matters, subsidisation of Big Pharma has stopped many corporate executives from having to sell their second homes, government ministers claim to ride dragons to work, and families returning from international vacations are unable to get their children back into the country. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. Guacamala's national animal is the Guacamalan Fox, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Guacamalan Discordianism.

Guacamala is ranked 314,961^st in the world and 599^th in The Communist Bloc for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring -17.32 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.