The Rippling Green Needle-Sea of Coniferous Forests is a titanic, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Connie Ferous with an iron fist, and renowned for its public floggings, aversion to nipples, and state-planned economy. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 15.028 billion Forestians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Environment, with Industry, Administration, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Education and International Aid aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Treehouse. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 74.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Coniferous Forestsian economy, worth a remarkable 1,514 trillion Needles a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Tourism, Retail, and Basket Weaving. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 100,803 Needles, with the richest citizens earning 9.8 times as much as the poorest.

Nothing is more offensive than being inoffensive, turning the other cheek is accompanied by a polite letter of complaint, activists sabotage clean energy in the name of the environment, and the gravy train is chugging along on a new track. Crime is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Coniferous Forests's national animal is the Owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Druidism.

Coniferous Forests is ranked 329,297^th in the world and 279^th in Forest for Safest, scoring 3.66 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.