The Unified Nations of Sri Malawi is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Mahinda Banda with a fair hand, and notable for its pith helmet sales, sprawling nuclear power plants, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, democratic population of 5.689 billion Sri Malawians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Lilombo. The average income tax rate is 76.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Sri Malawian economy, worth 987 trillion Alups a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 173,636 Alups, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Kids these days know how to throw a proper punch, the sound of office water cooler chatter has been replaced by the whirring of computer cooling fans, no one believes anything until it has been strenuously tested and peer-reviewed, and RPG fans reminisce fondly about when people thought they were evil and dangerous rather than geeky and socially inept. Crime is totally unknown. Sri Malawi's national animal is the Thompson's Lion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Sri Malawi is ranked 157,006^th in the world and 162^nd in Conch Kingdom for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 321.69 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.