The New State of Abezzlanium is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Sybvoaw Hwuhawi with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, frequent executions, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.411 billion Abezzlaniumians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Sneaky Town. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 90.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Abezzlaniumian economy, worth 810 trillion bazzes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 237,699 bazzes, with the richest citizens earning 7.5 times as much as the poorest.

Wrongful arrests abound as 'criminals' blame the guy next to them, foreign nationals who stumble near Abezzlanium are harbingers of war, Abezzlaniumians have replaced bears in a popular idiom, and thoughts and prayers have replaced flood barriers and evacuation plans. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Abezzlanium's national animal is the black cayote, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Bring.

Abezzlanium is ranked 326,406^th in the world and 62^nd in Illuminati Empire for Largest Publishing Industry, scoring -11.77 on the Bella Potter Productivity e-Index.