The Space Republic of The Solar Ottomans is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Shantae Dogan with an even hand, and renowned for its avowedly heterosexual populace, complete lack of prisons, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, devout population of 13.585 billion Turks are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Istanbul. The average income tax rate is 85.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Ottoman economy, worth a remarkable 1,105 trillion lire a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 81,374 lire, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Seven-year-olds debate for weeks on the merits of the Oxford comma, contemporary art museums showcase the latest in centuries-old art, kids are gathering at the local soda shop to celebrate staying out past sundown, and TV coverage of music festivals consists mostly of backstage interviews. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Solar Ottomans's national animal is the wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Islam and Christianity.

The Solar Ottomans is ranked 267,902^nd in the world and 4,681^st in The East Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -226.65 on the Scary Big Number Scale.