by Max Barry

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«12. . .3,8693,8703,8713,8723,8733,8743,875. . .5,0675,068»

Empire of re-estize

Lake of fur wrote:I'll have that up for you in a minute.
There are many good bartenders here, you just need to get to know them better. We all have our own quirks and personalities and none are really 'better' than anyone else, just 'different'.

*Turns to the row of industrial mixers and chooses an appropriately-sized one in which to mix the milkshake. He combines the ingredients, flips the switch and it rumbles to life, swiftly melding everything into a sweet, chocolaty shake. He pours this into a frosted glass and sets it on the counter in front of the guest*

There ya go. I make a judgement call and gave you chocolate. I hope that's okay with you.

*takes a sip*

This is delicious this is the best bar

Lake of fur, Killerian, and Harteath

The Ancient and Ethereal Lady of Feoras

Knechting wrote:Well, I was about to order some soup, but on second thought I think I'll just have a water!

The Lady performs some complex maneuvers with her fingers. A tall glass overturns itself and then levitates to the bar top. A battle of O'Water jumps from the fridge and hops over to the glass. The lid unscrews itself and falls off with a soft plink. The water gracefully arcs into the air and gently lands in the glass, slowly filling it to the rim.

The water suddenly becomes cloudy and fractals begin to appear in the formerly transparent liquid as the top layers freeze into perfectly shaped ice cubes.

The concoction slides over to Knechting's hands.

"Since you're relatively new here, you might not have heard of the tap water's deadly properties. I advise against consuming it and so have provided you with an alternative."

Brocklandia, Lake of fur, Knechting, Zany Zanes, and 3 othersKillerian, Harteath, and Empire of re-estize

The Smash Hit Movie Version of Brocklandia

Feoras wrote:[i]The Lady performs some complex maneuvers with her fingers.

What, run down the batteries in your vibrator again? I'm in a generous mood, so I'll go get the extension cord for you. It's hooked up to that 3.2 gigawatt trunk line down the block.

Feoras wrote:"Since you're relatively new here, you might not have heard of the tap water's deadly properties. I advise against consuming it and so have provided you with an alternative."

Careful, Knechting. She's always helpful when she's hungry. If she mentions barbecue sauce, flavored massage oil, or other condiments, I advise running for the nearest exit.

Feoras, Lake of fur, Zany Zanes, Killerian, and 2 othersHarteath, and Empire of re-estize

Harteath

Agora

I hope that a dead animal still counts for this week's Bartwork contest.

https://imgur.com/a/8ZI4QAO

Feoras, Lake of fur, Zany Zanes, and Killerian

Empire of re-estize

Feoras wrote:The Lady performs some complex maneuvers with her fingers. A tall glass overturns itself and then levitates to the bar top. A battle of O'Water jumps from the fridge and hops over to the glass. The lid unscrews itself and falls off with a soft plink. The water gracefully arcs into the air and gently lands in the glass, slowly filling it to the rim.

The water suddenly becomes cloudy and fractals begin to appear in the formerly transparent liquid as the top layers freeze into perfectly shaped ice cubes.

The concoction slides over to Knechting's hands.

"Since you're relatively new here, you might not have heard of the tap water's deadly properties. I advise against consuming it and so have provided you with an alternative."

You have ice powers as well?

Lake of fur, Knechting, and Killerian

Lake of fur

Empire of re-estize wrote:You have ice powers as well?

If you listen to her ex-husband, yes.

Harteath wrote:I hope that a dead animal still counts for this week's Bartwork contest.

https://imgur.com/a/8ZI4QAO

Excellent. Thank you.

I'll add it to the contest dispatch.

Feoras, Zany Zanes, Killerian, Harteath, and 1 otherEmpire of re-estize

Empire of re-estize

I remember when I made a world a Icy wasteland after they tried to kill me

Lake of fur and Killerian

Lake of fur

Empire of re-estize wrote:I remember when I made a world a Icy wasteland after they tried to kill me

I thought that was just Winter.

Crash Test Dummies - Winter Song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xj8PkP1YjI

"I can't say that I miss my old dog much
And I've never looked back since I left home long ago
But I hoped a trip into the country
Would help remind me all the things I used to know

That's what I came for
That's what I hoped for

There once was good blood in the breeze here
We rode across the lake each new year
What have I remembered
What did this used to be

The ice, it used to shine upon our river
It was a mirror that the cold dark water ran way deep beneath
And here were many years of winter drownings
I kept track of these things as they were told to me

And that's what I looked for
That's what I came for...

The changes of the year were once a blessing
Well this year they're the seasons of my discontent
But I cannot rewrite my old diaries
I can only recall all the things that came & went

But that's what I'd come for
And that's what I'd hoped for..."

Killerian and Empire of re-estize

The Ancient and Ethereal Lady of Feoras

Empire of re-estize wrote:You have ice powers as well?

I use magic a lot, which lends me several powers. I am most proficient with necromancy.

I had to often bring Brock back to life.

Lake of fur wrote:If you listen to her ex-husband, yes.

Which one? None are supposed to talk. That's what the nondisclosure agreements were for.

Lake of fur, Killerian, and Empire of re-estize

Empire of re-estize

Lake of fur wrote:I thought that was just Winter.

Many worlds are just ice because of me around 100

Lake of fur and Killerian

Lake of fur

Feoras wrote:None are supposed to talk.

And none did; I read about it on the bathroom wall.

Feoras, Killerian, and Empire of re-estize

Empire of re-estize

Feoras wrote:I use magic a lot, which lends me several powers. I am most proficient with necromancy.

I had to often bring Brock back to life.
Which one? None are supposed to talk. That's what the nondisclosure agreements were for.

Can we have a magical battle no killing though well I can revive myself but I don’t think you can but if you can that would be nice

Lake of fur and Killerian

Empire of re-estize

I haven’t fought a decent battle in a millennia

Lake of fur and Killerian

Lake of fur

Empire of re-estize wrote:Can we have a magical battle

Take it outside. The maintenance man has enough problems without having to mop up your 'magic goo'.

Empire of re-estize wrote:I haven’t fought a decent battle in a millennia

But have you ever fought in the back of a 1976 AMC Hornet Sportabout?

That's a challenge of the sort songs are written about.

Dick Dale - Nitro

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a_xi9WHJps

Feoras, Zany Zanes, Killerian, and Empire of re-estize

Empire of re-estize

Lake of fur wrote:Take it outside. The maintenance man has enough problems without having to mop up your 'magic goo'.
But have you ever fought in the back of a 1976 AMC Hornet Sportabout?

That's a challenge of the sort songs are written about.

Don’t worry I didn’t plan on fighting in this lovely bar and the most challenging battle I ever fought was against a a demon army and a angel armies both trying to kill and two archangels

Lake of fur and Killerian

The Ancient and Ethereal Lady of Feoras

Lake of fur wrote:And none did; I read about it on the bathroom wall.

That damned wall...

It's good then. If any breach that agreement, I get their soul on a more permanent basis.

Empire of re-estize wrote:Can we have a magical battle no killing though well I can revive myself but I don’t think you can but if you can that would be nice

I am one of the immortals here by virtue of not quite being "alive".

I also must decline your invitation. While dueling might be a noble pursuit, it is not within my tastes and I much prefer magical research and creation over show of force.

Lake of fur, Kabravosk, Killerian, and Empire of re-estize

Empire of re-estize

Feoras wrote:That damned wall...

It's good then. If any breach that agreement, I get their soul on a more permanent basis.
I am one of the immortals here by virtue of not quite being "alive".

I also must decline your invitation. While dueling might be a noble pursuit, it is not within my tastes and I much prefer magical research and creation over show of force.

That is nice to know

Lake of fur, Zany Zanes, and Killerian

Empire of re-estize

I have tried to revive other life forms like they once were before they died. I have managed to heal the body however I can’t find a way to put a soul or whatever it is to bring true life into it

Lake of fur and Killerian

Lake of fur

Feoras wrote:I get their soul on a more permanent basis.

*Looks uncomfortable*

Um... there were some comments scribbled about that on the wall as well.

Feoras, Kabravosk, Zany Zanes, and Killerian

Lardastan

Lake of fur wrote:... having to mop up your 'magic goo'.

Speaking of which...

*Makes changes to the specials board*

Tomorrow's Soup of the Day.

Feoras, Lake of fur, Kabravosk, and Zany Zanes

The Ancient and Ethereal Lady of Feoras

Lake of fur wrote:*Looks uncomfortable*

Um... there were some comments scribbled about that on the wall as well.

The Lady smiles icily as she rubs her delicate hands together. "It looks like I might have some souls to collect then... I will go check out this 'writing' myself, since I keep hearing about it, and make my judgement about whether or not any of my contracts were breached."

The Lady sashays into the Men's room with Duchess close on her heels. After several long minutes, she emerges. Her face is bright red and her hands are clenched into fists. "BROCK! YOU DIRTY LIAR!!!"

Lake of fur, Kabravosk, and Zany Zanes

Empire of re-estize

I have no soul so I can’t understand

Lake of fur

Lake of fur

Feoras wrote:I will go check out this 'writing' myself...

Ah, I forget if we had cleaned the graffiti off the door after the contest we had where they were the featured format.

Morocco mole wrote:Mole enters the restroom with a powered screwdriver, removes the door to the stall and lugs it into the dining area

Okay, let's see what we've accumulated.
_____________________________

    A friend with weed
    Is a friend indeed

"Peek in on me
And I'll smash your face
Knocking you right out
Of this clean, well-lighted place"

      Sitting here in my stall
      I can't help but ponder
      If what I've left is worse
      Than a flying spaghetti monster

Farm fresh greens
From the valley
But now I'm squatting
In the alley

    "Look at
    The big plastic box
    Filled with graffiti
    smelling of chemicals
    And filled with poop
    Mixed with pee."

    No matter how you shake and dance
    The last drop always winds up in your pants
    You will be assimilated!

"Off with the panties, up with the gown
Ladies do it sitting down"

      "Corn and peanuts, an apple's core
      Two human ears, a tusk of boar
      A dollar and a half in change or more
      Clearly visible in my spore
      All present and accounted for
      I am exhausted and still quite sore
      Lament, I do, this daily chore"

"Most ladies, for my spunk
Do not have a thirst
But Susie loves to drink the stuff
And she gargles first"

    "Here I sit
    In some doubt
    Had a feeling
    But couldn't log out"

_____________________________

Looking good. Maybe next week we can cover the other side.

Feoras, Zombie Penguins, Kabravosk, and Zany Zanes

The Smash Hit Movie Version of Brocklandia

Lake of fur wrote:If you listen to her ex-husband, yes.

And for the record, that's not me. Feoras has more sense than that.

Feoras, Lake of fur, and Zany Zanes

The Impending Doom of Zombie Penguins

The weekend poetry contest has begun. This week's judge Feline Masters wants sonnets about cats.

Feoras, Brocklandia, Lake of fur, Tank commander, and 4 othersBorg shakespeare, Zany Zanes, Feline Masters, and Empire of re-estize

«12. . .3,8693,8703,8713,8723,8733,8743,875. . .5,0675,068»

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