The Free Land of Witkacy is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Stanisław Ignacy Witkiewicz with an iron fist, and notable for its infamous sell-swords, irreverence towards religion, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 3.523 billion Witkacyians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Zakopane. The average income tax rate is 67.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Witkacyian economy, worth 447 trillion złoties a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Basket Weaving, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 127,068 złoties, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.0 times as much as the poorest.

Discarded pennies litter the streets, edgy teens know that illegal discos are where the cool cats hang, tourists soak their luggage in boiling water before unpacking, and the inner circle of Stanisław Ignacy Witkiewicz is looking more and more like a pink triangle. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Witkacy's national animal is the lion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Witkacy is ranked 50,478^th in the world and 10^th in Poland for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring 1,944.12 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.