The Leopardish Kinric of Valoptia is a mammoth, orderly nation, ruled by Asher Wiley with an iron fist, and renowned for its teetotalling pirates, keen interest in outer space, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.485 billion Valoptians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Education, Law & Order, and Administration are also considered important, while Welfare and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Osearwynn. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Valoptian economy, worth a remarkable 6,878 trillion pounds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 725,146 pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.5 times as much as the poorest.

Asher Wiley's relatives have been married into the royal families of foreign nations against their will, foreign heads of state have taken out restraining orders against Valoptian ambassadors, harassed women are constantly hassled by guys who are "just giving them compliments", and the building of bureaucratic rivalries has exceeded targets. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Valoptia's national animal is the snow leopard, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Adoptionism.

Valoptia is ranked 129,082^nd in the world and 78^th in The Order of the Grey Wardens for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 1,283.65 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.