The Dictatorship of Swiftlandian Peoples Republic is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Phil Swift with an iron fist, and remarkable for its lack of airports, state-planned economy, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 8.603 billion Swiftlandians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Welfare and Social Policy are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of PhilPort. The average income tax rate is 83.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Swiftlandian Peoples Republician economy, worth a remarkable 1,875 trillion Flex Tapes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Retail, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 217,947 Flex Tapes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Official maps have to be revised on a weekly basis, people's charity begins and ends at home, dining out often involves Nuclear Radiated Cats on the plate no matter what you order, and tax rises are attributed to divine will. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Swiftlandian Peoples Republic's national animal is the Nuclear Radiated Cat, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Swiftism.

Swiftlandian Peoples Republic is ranked 29,634^th in the world and 14^th in The Labyrinth for Lowest Crime Rates, with 82.95 law-abiding acts per hour.