The LOOOONG Train of Somewheretopia is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Daniel II with an even hand, and remarkable for its prohibition of alcohol, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, devout population of 1.015 billion Somewheretopians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cairo. The average income tax rate is 50.3%.

The strong Somewheretopian economy, worth 73.3 trillion pounds a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Beef-Based Agriculture industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Basket Weaving, and Cheese Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 72,176 pounds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.2 times as much as the poorest.

The citizenship exam requires years of study to actually pass, the only science is political science, the Department of Reduction of Bureaucratic Red Tape has set up a working committee to investigate its own excessive paperwork, and class clowns are frequently listed among the most dangerous criminals in the nation. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Somewheretopia's national animal is the Class 745, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Coptic Orthodox Christianity.

Somewheretopia is ranked 283,625^th in the world and 3^rd in NationStates Railway Federation for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 24.87 on the Bus Surprisal Index.