The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 79 is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Noah with an iron fist, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, prohibition of alcohol, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.816 billion Second Best Puppet 79ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 78.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 79ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,096 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Woodchip Exports, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 160,876 cards, with the richest citizens earning 6.1 times as much as the poorest.

Aspiring pilots must be personally vetted by the Minister of Transportation before receiving their license, it is considered unpatriotic to learn a foreign language, getting an infected tattoo is considered a rite of passage in Second Best Puppet 79, and Noah has a wardrobe full of fake designer suits. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 79's national animal is the legendary, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Second Best Puppet 79 is ranked 14,230^th in the world and 1,058^th in Two for Most Corrupt Governments, with 125.83 kickbacks per hour.