The Protectorate of Puddeln is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Sir Haimish and Dame Shayna with an even hand, and remarkable for its infamous sell-swords, smutty television, and compulsory vegetarianism. The compassionate, humorless, devout population of 29.786 billion Puddelnians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Puddeln City. The average income tax rate is 80.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Puddelnian economy, worth a remarkable 2,092 trillion Kibbles a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Arms Manufacturing industry. Average income is 70,257 Kibbles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

The bureaucracy's scale makes the trees wail, public projects are synonymous with yawn-inducing conformity, blind dates reemerge as a necessary evil in the quest for love, and popular websites like NationStates are blocked for "national security". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Puddeln's national animal is the Standard Poodle, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Conservative Caninism.

Puddeln is ranked 225,994^th in the world and 5,663^rd in the Rejected Realms for Safest, scoring 23.29 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.