The Holy Empire of Primitivos is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Bichão seco das cavernas with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, compulsory military service, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 1.082 billion Primitivos are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cavernas limpinhas. The average income tax rate is 72.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Primitivista economy, worth 132 trillion Coroa Sacras a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Basket Weaving, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 122,237 Coroa Sacras, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Preservative manufacturers are told to put a lid on it, popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs, gigantic marble churches take up almost half the land area of small villages, and foreign musicians that Bichão seco das cavernas dislikes are turned away at the border. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Primitivos's national animal is the Galão de Londres, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pedra pau e fogo.

Primitivos is ranked 86,794^th in the world and 56^th in Union Brazilian for Largest Publishing Industry, scoring 3,777.97 on the Bella Potter Productivity e-Index.