The New Republic of Old Sarn is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Siggy Sarn with an iron fist, and remarkable for its complete lack of public education, suspicion of poets, and complete absence of social welfare. The cynical population of 30.658 billion Old Sarnians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, moralistic, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Law & Order, although Industry and Defense are also considered important, while Welfare and Spirituality aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Old Town. The average income tax rate is 28.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Old Sarnian economy, worth 609 trillion Sarns a year, is highly specialized and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Retail, Cheese Exports, and Soda Sales. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 19,861 Sarns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

The right to free speech is being drastically curtailed, the police force is on a recruitment drive, Old Sarn has designated Old Town as its capital city, and Siggy Sarn has just been declared ruler of Old Sarn in an international press conference. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Old Sarn's national animal is the bull, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities, and its national religion is Catholicism.

Old Sarn is ranked 75,396^th in the world and 1^st in USN for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 3,892.6 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.