The Incorporated States of New Squash is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Desmond Melon with an even hand, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, strictly enforced bedtime, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 3.333 billion New Squashers are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The tiny, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Melonhattan. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 4.8%.

The frighteningly efficient New Squashian economy, worth 319 trillion Melons a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Automobile Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 95,818 Melons, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 710,671 per year while the poor average 3,845, a ratio of 184 to 1.

Swarms of present-laden delivery drones blot out the sun before major holidays, 4-year-olds are often found reminiscing about the 'good old days', New Squashian farm salmon are known for being both horribly diseased and remarkably acrobatic, and insomnia is slowly turning everyone insane. Crime is a serious problem, probably because of the absence of a police force. New Squash's national animal is the Melon, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Melonism.

New Squash is ranked 125,917^th in the world and 4^th in Yecyma for Most Corrupt Governments, with 6.58 kickbacks per hour.