The Fortunate Land of Naelmon is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Secretary General Jimmy Isw with an iron fist, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, barren, inhospitable landscape, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 20.349 billion Naelmonians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Law & Order, although Education, Industry, and Defense are also considered important, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Chakyk. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 75.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Naelmonian economy, worth a remarkable 1,992 trillion Leklois a year, is highly specialized and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Tourism. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 97,939 Leklois, with the richest citizens earning 9.7 times as much as the poorest.

Treaties are taken to be mere rules of thumb, political debates are all but a distant memory, the inner circle of Secretary General Jimmy Isw is looking more and more like a pink triangle, and the government's official stance on scientific inquiry is 'there's no question so big that it can't be ignored'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Naelmon's national animal is the sturgeon, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Naelmon is ranked 326,389^th in the world and 62^nd in Sphere of Conservative Republics for Nicest Citizens, with 0.26 average smiles per day.