The Rodentine Seer of Malphe II is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Hazel-Malphe with a fair hand, and remarkable for its prohibition of alcohol, state-planned economy, and frequent executions. The compassionate, democratic population of 10.222 billion Malphaes are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, socially-minded, outspoken government prioritizes Healthcare, although Education, Administration, and Welfare are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Horsonopile. The average income tax rate is 69.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Malphaen economy, worth 641 trillion Nondescript Coins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Cheese Exports, Pizza Delivery, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is 62,787 Nondescript Coins, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings, the government sends submarines to retrieve bodies from shipwrecked submarines, Hazel-Malphe has promised 'power to the puppies', and parties that are too noisy are broken up to prevent disturbing wildlife. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Malphe II's national animal is the Desert Woodrat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Cult of the Horned Rat.

Malphe II is ranked 39,573^rd in the world and 1,089^th in Osiris for Least Corrupt Governments, with 93.96 percentage of bribes refused.