The Painfully Introverted State of Malaxa is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Jeff Goldblum with an even hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, complete lack of prisons, and compulsory vegetarianism. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless, devout population of 4.136 billion Malaxans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The minute, corrupt government, or what there is of one, is effectively ruled by the Department of Industry, with Public Transport also on the agenda, while Environment and Administration are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bumbershoot. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 2.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Malaxan economy, worth 584 trillion Funts a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is fairly diversified and led by the Pizza Delivery industry, with significant contributions from Soda Sales, Cheese Exports, and Retail. Average income is an impressive 141,231 Funts, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 782,152 per year while the poor average 12,834, a ratio of 60.9 to 1.

The government is constantly playing a game of four-dimensional economic chess with health insurance firms, scenic mountain valleys are flooded with water as damming projects get underway, office microwaves are being replaced by firepits, and a mountain of discarded sofas and beds is incinerated every day. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Malaxa's national animal is the Banana Slug, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Temple of Goldblum.

Malaxa is ranked 309,541^st in the world and 1,415^th in Europeia for Most Eco-Friendly Governments, scoring -13.42 on the Dolphin Recycling Awareness Index.