The Kingdom of Lindenhelm is a mammoth, orderly nation, ruled by King Alfonse with an iron fist, and renowned for its aversion to nipples, punitive income tax rates, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful, devout population of 6.824 billion Lindenhelmers are proud of their wide-ranging civil freedoms, and those who aren't tend to be dragged off the streets by men in dark suits and hustled into cars with tinted windows.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Rossenbach. The average income tax rate is 87.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Lindenhelmish economy, worth 860 trillion Lindenmarks a year, is dominated by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 126,074 Lindenmarks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Children as young as six shock their parents by coming out of the closet, King Alfonse is too busy listening to praise to get any work done, all you have to do is pray to get into Lindenhelm, and feeling like a winner comes at a price. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Lindenhelm's national animal is the Jactonian Tiger, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Román Catholicism.

Lindenhelm is ranked 6,387^th in the world and 10^th in The Wellspring for Nicest Citizens, with 40.54 average smiles per day.