The Retired Whale Hunters of Kalmukia is a gargantuan, safe nation, renowned for its disturbing lack of elderly people, compulsory military service, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless, devout population of 30.794 billion Kalmukai are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, moralistic morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Defense. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 85.1%.

The Kalmuku economy, worth a remarkable 1,227 trillion Doubloons a year, is extremely specialized and mostly made up of the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Cheese Exports. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is 39,854 Doubloons, with the richest citizens earning 5.8 times as much as the poorest.

Intellectual snobbery has the cognoscenti sneering at anyone who doesn't have an opinion on the semiological drift of Umberto Eco's works, sanitary products are sold in brown paper at hairdressers' salons, the nation's orphanages and maternity wards have been nicknamed 'the Killbot Factories', and government ministers claim to ride dragons to work. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kalmukia's national animal is the Whale, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Adventure.

Kalmukia is ranked 100,241^st in the world and 9^th in True Waskaria for Most Corrupt Governments, with 12.9 kickbacks per hour.