The Republic of Hellespont is a mammoth, orderly nation, ruled by Legate Oscar Metcalfe with an iron fist, and notable for its compulsory military service, punitive income tax rates, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical population of 8.969 billion Hellespontians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Laconia. The average income tax rate is 50.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Hellespontian economy, worth 475 trillion thalers a year, is mostly made up of the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 53,020 thalers, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.8 times as much as the poorest.

School children asked "what is two times two?" are likely to form a symposium to discuss how different answers make them feel, carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population, there is a growing belief that consciousness is a simulated illusion within a computer-generated reality, and the dessert 'Death by Chocolate' isn't the most lethal dish on the menu. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hellespont's national animal is the tiger, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Tellurism.

Hellespont is ranked 1,071^st in the world and 1^st in Hellespont for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring 16,731.33 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.